


They Did What?

by chazzaroo



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, the ships dont really blatantly appear but theyre still present, whis and beerus talk briefly about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 03:57:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18865225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chazzaroo/pseuds/chazzaroo
Summary: lord beerus wakes up from a nap and asks a casual question during breakfast- the answer whis gives him is a real shocker! only to beerus, of course. whis knew it would happen eventually





	They Did What?

    “Good morning, Lord Beerus.” Whis greeted the God as he watched the cat blearily rub at his eyes, blinking in the light of the palace. His nightgown twirled around his skinny frame as he moved, closing his eyes again with no regards to his surroundings.

    “Is it even morning?” He grumbled, plopping himself down without looking to see if he was trying to sit on thin air. Whis pulled a chair out for him, then pushed it back in a smooth motion, careful not to jostle his Lord. He didn’t use his hands for this action, of course. Gods didn’t need to do that.

    “Indeed it is. You made good timing, my Lord.” Whis twirled his staff, making their extremely unhealthy breakfast appear. Beerus’ nose twitched at the smell of freshly prepared cup noodles, and without a word, Whis conjured a _few_ more out from his staff, setting them up to cook as his Lord enjoyed the pre-prepared ones. Living with Beerus was the same song and dance, they knew each others wordless signals very well. It was almost relaxing as they fell into the routine each day, the only changing factor being what food they would eat.

    “That’s nice.” Beerus said, only interested in his food. He cracked open the first cup of noodles, and licked his lips in satisfaction as he saw the cloud of steam rise out. Nice and piping hot. He grabbed his chopsticks and slurped up a nice chunk of delicious noodles.  “What’s that monkey been up to while I was resting?” He asked through his mouthful, dripping broth all over the table. Whis did not mind it at all.

    “I assume you expect ‘the usual’, but actually, it seems he has reconciled with Goku.” Whis let his trademark constant smile grow a little larger as the other’s eyes widened, pausing momentarily in his onslaught of the cup noodles. A few strands hung out of his lips comically as he worked to chew before speaking again, his mouth being much too full to open it and speak.

    “Interesting. What prompted that after all this time?” The feline asked after the initial shock dispersed, and Whis simply shrugged, leaning his head on his hand. Elbow on the table, it was very unprofessional, but that was just how the two of them behaved. Only around each other, though, certainly not in the presence of other Gods.

    “I couldn’t tell you, but they are indeed getting along _quite_ well.” Whis’ grin turned into a giddy smirk, and Beerus choked in surprise at the very, very obvious innuendo. Noodles quickly went places in his body that they were never meant to go. He pounded his chest loudly with a hard fist, coughing on his noodles now, and Whis slapped him firmly on the back from afar with his magic. Beerus’ coughing ceased, and he took a deep, gasping breath.

    “Gods, Whis! Are you trying to kill me now that I’ve got a replacement?” He asked angrily, rubbing at his now sore chest. Whis simply chuckled, hand over his mouth. Beerus was glaring hard, his golden eyes nothing more than slits.

    “Of course not, my Lord. I was just telling you the truth.” He was still smirking, his own noodles ignored in favor of messing with the other God. It was his favorite hobby. He knew his sister Vados to be much the same way, though she was still far kinder to her respective Lord.

    “You could’ve phrased it a little differently.” Beerus grumbled, sitting up straight now, indignantly eating his noodles with his eyes closed. If his hands weren’t already occupied, his arms would be crossed. His tail swished across the shiny floor and smacked against his chair.

    “My apologies, allow me to try again.” Whis mock cleared his throat, twirling his staff absently. “How do the earthlings word it again? What did Bulma call it…?” Whis pretended to ponder, tapping his lavender nails on the table. Beerus finally opened one eye questioningly, taking the bait, like he always did. “Oh! I remember now.” His tapping hand stopped. Beerus looked more attentive now, eating up Whis’ blatant set-up like it was sweet candy. “The two fucked.”

    Noodles flew across the room. Beerus had spit them out this time, instead of choking on them. Whis remained blissfully clear of their line of fire, but was directly in the path of Beerus’ rage. The cup of food forgotten and knocked over, the cat put his hands on the table and leaned over it, shouting.

    “When and _why_ was that _ever_ something you two talked about?!” He screeched, flattening his large ears and face turning embarrassingly red. This was a sore subject for him, apparently, even as an almighty God of Destruction. His tail stuck straight up behind him, it looked sharp enough to pierce flesh like that.

    “She suggested you and I to partake in it.” Whis revelled in Beerus’ scream of agony, the God grabbing his large ears with his hands and smushing them down over his face. His snout stuck out, and just from that alone Whis could see that the flush had grown deeper. “You did once say that she had good ideas, my Lord.” Whis said in a sing-song voice, while Beerus writhed uncomfortably, tail moving like a distressed giant snake.

    “In reference to _food choice ,_ Whis! Not that! Never that!”

    “My mistake.” He giggled. It really wasn’t. Beerus kept his sharp teeth bared, but slowly sat back down in his seat, still painfully stiff and suddenly no longer that hungry. “They are still both here if you would like to look for yourself. In Vegeta’s room.” His Lord wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation of getting a look for himself, and it seemed Whis was right as the God hung his head. Beerus sighed deeply, grabbing a new cup of noodles and his utensils.

    “I might as well. Come along, Whis.”

 

    Beerus slurped as they walked, two more unopened cups stuffed under his arms, like he would need them for the short trek across the palace. Whis’ heels clacked on the floor, but he still managed to look like he was gliding along rather than really walking. Vegeta’s room wasn’t too far from the center of the palace, as Whis preferred to keep an eye on the God in training, but… unfortunately, it allowed him to listen in on bits and pieces of last night’s events. Beerus should be grateful that he was still sleeping, as well as the two saiyans. If the easily angered God had overheard, there’s no telling how he would have reacted.

    “Perhaps we ought to move his room if this is going to become a regular occurrence.” Whis spoke quietly, the two now slowing to walk side by side rather than Beerus walking ahead in front of Whis. “Farther from the main areas of the palace.” Beerus nodded after a moment’s hesitation, swallowing.

    “I would rather not _hear_ what they get up to, so, good idea.”

    Reaching the door of the room, Whis pushed it open slowly. It didn’t creak, nothing in the palace did, as Beerus found it irritating when he was cranky from either being tired or just waking up. The two peeked over the side of the door frame like children, Whis’ head above Beerus’, cup of noodles below them both. Beerus looked in the darkened area with wide eyes, unaffected by said darkness, and able to clearly see what laid within it. His eyes seemed to glow and cast a spotlight on the men inside.

    “Wow. You weren’t kidding.” Beerus mumbled, tail swishing behind him and bumping Whis’ staff. He slurped his food softly, delicately. Whis moved his staff. “Definitely move his room once they wake up, if by chance I’m awake next time this happens, I don’t want to hear it.”  
  
    “They weren’t _actually_ that loud but, as you wish, my Lord.” Whis pulled Beerus back and gently shut the door without even a click. The two turned in unison, Whis far more graceful than Beerus in his movement.

    “I have very big ears if you haven’t noticed, Whis.”

    “That is true, my Lord.”

    The two spooning in bed lay unaware of the eavesdropping, Goku snoring and Vegeta completely unmoving. They were both, understandably, dead asleep. A nice chat awaited the two of them once they awoke.

**Author's Note:**

> another fic to hold yall over who enjoyed my other one!  
> this was written a few weeks ago but i spiced it up so i could post it here, its still a fairly simple piece of writing 
> 
> this fic DOES feature aspects of an au i have, but it's hardly present. all you need to know is that goku becomes a north kai and vegeta becomes a god of destruction.  
> as i said before, sorry if my pacing is wack! stories going too fast is my biggest weakness. feedback is appreciated


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